About 10 years ago (yes, I was still married), I was crazy about some guy name Kirk that I transcribed an entire conversation I had had with him once— possibly for the sake of a Linguistics course. Nothing ever came of he and I. But I ended up having this great conversation. Makes me wanna go find him and have another one.
T-Yes, it’s you.
K- Yes, your friend, Kirk. I was going through my list of missed called and I didn’t recognize your number so I figured it was you. Either you, or my loan officer.
T- Or a bill collector?
K- Yes. Something like that.
T- Well, this is actually disappointing. I’m kind of upset that you called because I just finished writing you this really great e-mail.
K- Oh. Well, yes. Please. You can still send it. I’d like to read it very much. So how are you?
T- I’m fine. How are you?
T- Did you just wake up?
K- Um. Yes.
T- Lucky you. I’ve been up since 5:30 this morning.
K-Oh yes. Cleaning out garbage pails, and sweeping the chickens off the porch.
I imagine you to be that kinda woman. Cleaning out gutters and stuff. Doing woodsy things. Wearing overalls, and a flannel shirt.
T- Yes. That’s me. I don’t even shave my armpits.
K (Laughs). Well, that’s real nice. I don’t shave mine either. Looks like we have something in common.
T- Yes. I believe we do. So, I guess we could maybe get together some time?
K- Well, yes. That’s why I called. What are you’re plans today?
T- Well, today, no. Today is bad for me.
K- Oh, yes. I understand.
T- I have like three kiddie parties to go to.
K- Three what?
T- Kid parties? You know, children? Like I’m going to slip into a clown suit and go to a party with kids.
T- I’m just kidding.
T- SO we could go into Philly, unless you feel more comfortable out of the city.
K- Oh, well, yes. I’m in Princeton during the week, and during the weekends, I’m in Philly. But what would be less driving for you? I don’t want to make you drive too far.
T- Philly’s good for me. It doesn’t really matter. It’s probably best in Philly. So, do you live in, like, two places?
K- hesitates. I summer in Philly.
K- I winter in Princeton.
T- OK. That’s very lucky of you to have so many places to live. No children. Nice little job. Free spirit.
K– Laughs. I once used to have to take care of a child.
T- Your own?
T- Do you have children?
K- Well, that depends on what you mean?
T- Did you plant the seed and create someone?
K- No. Nothing like that. I have no children, like that. But, I, umm…
T- Oh, I almost forgot. You’re biologically inconsequential.
T- Oh. Careful. When you say stuff like that to me, I know where it comes from.
K- (Embarrassed.) Oh gosh. Yes. That’s where it’s from. I can’t believe you remember that.
T- Well, that’s the pivotal word in that piece. What kind of a literary critic would I be, if I didn’t remember that word. I would hope that you’d trust me…you know…to, uh.
K- Yes, trust you. I do. To what?
T- To place your work.
K- Yes. Oh yes.
R walks in and yells that I’ve left the door open. Wonders why I’m in the garage talking on my cell. Good question.
T- Um, I can’t really talk now.
K- Oh, I understand.
T- Can I maybe e-mail you on Monday what I wanted to e-mail you and we’ll go from there?
K- Yes. But I won’t be in on Monday.
T- Don’t tell me your company is giving you off for Martin Luther King’s Birthday!
K- Yes. I will be observing the good Doctor’s birthday.
T- Oh gosh. Well…then I’ll write you something on Tuesday.
K- OK, but I might not be able to respond right away.
T- Oh. I see. Well…
K- But, no. I would like to hear from you.
T- Okay. Then I’ll send you a mail and we’ll continue talking about it then…
K- Wait. I don’t understand. So, what is it that’s expected of me on Tuesday?
Am I supposed to answer a bunch of questions?
T- laughs. Yes. I have a form you’ll need to fill out before we can proceed.
K- laughs. So then, it can wait until Saturday?
T- Yes. Most of what I have to say can always wait.
K- OK then. Well, I have a couple kiddie parties on Saturday morning, but we’ll meet after that.
T- Perfect. Because that’s generally nap time around here.
K- Yes, that’s right. I knew that.