Last night I was born again…many times. My cells converged and reshaped to form a new soul over and over and over. I was dirtied and then I was purified.
I had no dreams last night- that I remember. I am of the opinion that one only remembers dreams if they are needed to solve the problems of waking life. I solved all my problems last night, lying in bed with Lata Mangeshkar’s Vaishnava Janato playing on my iPod. I sware, that song transforms the inside of my body. My blood courses differently. My nerves respond to it. It’s almost as if I recognize it from a past life. The same can be said for the Adhan, which, in some cosmic way, fills my entire soul with the realization that we are all connected. That I have come before.
So, I laid in bed for what seemed an hour, after the boys had gone to bed, listening to different songs, allowing the music to transport me where it wanted me to go. I felt the transformation in me with each new song. How one would empty me and cause me to long for the past (The Park, Feist), how another soothed me and brought me to myself (DeBussy’s Claire de Lune), another deepened and lifted me upward (Marnia’s Tent, Richard Horowitz, The Sheltering Sky), another debased me, sexually, and made me feel dirty and insatiable (Knocked Up, Kings of Leon).
I went back and visited my father (Joshua Come Home, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band), and my brothers (Brown Eyed Girl, Van Morrison), and then G (In Dreams, Roy Orbison) and S (Ann the Word, Lungfish) and D (I Will Follow You Into the Dark, Death Cab for Cutie). I even went to Paris (Valse d’Amelie, Liz Story, Amelie), and Marrakech (The Sacred Koran, Ibrahim Canakkaleli, Fevzi Misir, Yusuf Gebzeli, Aziz Bahriyeli, The Sheltering Sky) and somewhere out west (Grass Dance, Dances With Wolves).
I existed on so many levels last night. Both good and bad. And I realized that I could go ANYWHERE I wanted. And I did.