Tag Archives: phone

Our datin’ parts was doin’ the talkin’

About 10 years ago (yes, I was still married), I was crazy about some guy name Kirk that I transcribed an entire conversation I had had with him once— possibly for the sake of a Linguistics course. Nothing ever came of he and I. But I ended up having this great conversation. Makes me wanna go find him and have another one.





T-Oh hello.


T-Yes, it’s you.

K- Yes, your friend, Kirk. I was going through my list of missed called and I didn’t recognize your number so I figured it was you. Either you, or my loan officer.

T- Or a bill collector?

K- Yes. Something like that.

T- Well, this is actually disappointing. I’m kind of upset that you called because I just finished writing you this really great e-mail.

K- Oh. Well, yes. Please. You can still send it. I’d like to read it very much. So how are you?

T- I’m fine. How are you?

K- Great.

T- Did you just wake up?

K- Um. Yes.

T- Lucky you. I’ve been up since 5:30 this morning.

K-Oh yes. Cleaning out garbage pails, and sweeping the chickens off the porch.

I imagine you to be that kinda woman. Cleaning out gutters and stuff. Doing woodsy things. Wearing overalls, and a flannel shirt.

T- Yes. That’s me. I don’t even shave my armpits.

K (Laughs). Well, that’s real nice. I don’t shave mine either. Looks like we have something in common.

T- Yes. I believe we do. So, I guess we could maybe get together some time?

K- Well, yes. That’s why I called. What are you’re plans today?

T- Well, today, no. Today is bad for me.

K- Oh, yes. I understand.

T- I have like three kiddie parties to go to.

K- Three what?

T- Kid parties? You know, children? Like I’m going to slip into a clown suit and go to a party with kids.


T- I’m just kidding.

T- SO we could go into Philly, unless you feel more comfortable out of the city.

K- Oh, well, yes. I’m in Princeton during the week, and during the weekends, I’m in Philly. But what would be less driving for you? I don’t want to make you drive too far.

T- Philly’s good for me. It doesn’t really matter. It’s probably best in Philly. So, do you live in, like, two places?

K- hesitates. I summer in Philly.

We laugh.

K- I winter in Princeton.

T- OK. That’s very lucky of you to have so many places to live. No children. Nice little job. Free spirit.

K– Laughs. I once used to have to take care of a child.

T- Your own?


T- Do you have children?

K- Well, that depends on what you mean?

T- Did you plant the seed and create someone?

K- No. Nothing like that. I have no children, like that. But, I, umm…

T- Oh, I almost forgot. You’re biologically inconsequential.

K- Increasingly.

T- Oh. Careful. When you say stuff like that to me, I know where it comes from.

K- (Embarrassed.) Oh gosh. Yes. That’s where it’s from. I can’t believe you remember that.

T- Well, that’s the pivotal word in that piece. What kind of a literary critic would I be, if I didn’t remember that word. I would hope that you’d trust me…you know…to, uh.

K- Yes, trust you. I do. To what?

T- To place your work.

K- Yes. Oh yes.

R walks in and yells that I’ve left the door open. Wonders why I’m in the garage talking on my cell. Good question.


T- Um, I can’t really talk now.

K- Oh, I understand.

T- Can I maybe e-mail you on Monday what I wanted to e-mail you and we’ll go from there?

K- Yes. But I won’t be in on Monday.

T- Don’t tell me your company is giving you off for Martin Luther King’s Birthday!

K- Yes. I will be observing the good Doctor’s birthday.

T- Oh gosh. Well…then I’ll write you something on Tuesday.

K- OK, but I might not be able to respond right away.

T- Oh. I see. Well…

K- But, no. I would like to hear from you.

T- Okay. Then I’ll send you a mail and we’ll continue talking about it then…

K- Wait. I don’t understand. So, what is it that’s expected of me on Tuesday?

Am I supposed to answer a bunch of questions?

T- laughs. Yes. I have a form you’ll need to fill out before we can proceed.

K- laughs. So then, it can wait until Saturday?

T- Yes. Most of what I have to say can always wait.

K- OK then. Well, I have a couple kiddie parties on Saturday morning, but we’ll meet after that.

T- Perfect. Because that’s generally nap time around here.

K- Yes, that’s right. I knew that.